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whippet real good
a creative nonfiction I once saw a whippet get injured during a backyard boxing match in Swan Hill. We’d been at the pub and Geoff wanted to have a tea towel bundle with me because he’d heard a rumour that my balls are bigger than his. Yes, the jury has deliberated, and some men are […]
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‘If this is hell, it looks a lot like Margate’
I wrote this before I gave up the booze but I still like it. Every hardened drinker has had that morning when they’re lying in bed waiting for the call. Deep down you know that you’ve fucked up, but the details elude you. There are fragments of regret that kind of make sense, but the […]
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Boga: the art of violent Yoga
There’s a scene from Parks and Recreation, where Ron Swanson is camping and says this: “Fishing relaxes me, it’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something”. He makes a good point. That’s why I spend around 20 minutes every morning doing an exercise technique I call Boga. It’s basically Yoga for bogans (Aussie […]
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The last time I got blootered
It happened a while ago now. I’d been off the booze for months but got beaten up on a job, sustained three broken ribs and a busted up face, so I went straight to the shops for a promotional sized bottle of whisky and ordered a big bag of Banana Kush. I sat in my […]
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Dealing with annoying co-workers Vic Mackey style
There’s a scene in The Shield where Vic Mackey, played by Michael Chiklis, is chasing down a gang member, who’s quicker and more agile than the stocky Vic. The gang member jumps a wooden fence and thinks he’s home free, however, Vic just runs through the fence and apprehends his man. For those of you […]
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The Walking Unvaxxed
They walk among us. Not shuffling or rotting or moaning in a woeful pitch but just walking among us, with bags and stuff. The usual shit we all carry. However, these walkers are the unvaxxed and one of them could be sitting next to you right now, on a bus. When Rick Grimes woke up […]
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Job hunting in dystopia
One afternoon you rock up to your hospitality job with a hangover, only to find that it’s closed its doors indefinitely and suddenly you’re unemployed again. With fuck all in your savings account, you decide to drown your sorrows in the pub across the road, but it’s closed its doors too. The next morning you jump […]
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Morning glory
I’m off work sick (not COVID), meaning I have the telly in my bedroom to drown out the coughing and the swearing. This morning, I woke up and turned the telly on to continue drowning out the misery, and what came on the screen? Sunrise morning show with Sam Armitage and that grinning idiot Kochie. […]
Parasitology for civilians 