calling mr pritchard: tales of a wee shite

As I slide further and further into unknown territory, there’s only one thought that keeps sliding around my head: How many animals live in my attic? I’ve also gotten paranoid about any noise outside the front door. I keep a hammer there just in case, but somehow, I know I’ll never use it. Too much time on my hands invites all sorts of paranoid delusions.

However, my sanity is kept intact by watching Salvage Hunters with Drew Pritchard and his trusty sidekick Tee. Drew Pritchard runs an antique business in Conwy, Wales and he and Tee frequently travel all over the UK checking out antique and vintage stashes in stately homes, other antique dealers’ lockups, and all manner of other establishments. It’s the antiques roadshow for people under the age of 60.

Drew’s ex-wife, Rebecca, claims that he’s built a career around his personality, and I agree with her. His personality is like an advent calendar and his cheeky chappy, could be a bit of a dick, disposition is interesting to watch. I also enjoy the banter between Drew and Tee, however it’s during these interactions that Drew can sometimes come off as a bit of a dick. A lot of banter finds its roots in the heart of bullying.

Anyway, the dynamic duo spends a lot of time on the road in a white Transit van, scouring the nation for hidden treasures/bargains. They arrive at each destination, where Drew shakes hands with the client before Tee, and gets to work finding stuff to haggle over and eventually sell on his website for an inflated price to Americans and collectors (the most vulnerable of buyers).

Watching Drew rummaging around in a pile of antiques is like watching a stoner getting the remnants of marijuana residue from the pipe section of a bong with a butter knife. Tee tends to look on hoping the object isn’t going to be too heavy because it’s his job to carry it to the van and load it up, while the vaguely confused client looks on in wonder, as Drew dazzles them with his industry knowledge.

Once Drew has found an object he wants to buy, the haggling begins. Depending on the client it’s usually over quite quickly and invariably they meet in the middle. However, if an elderly client starts the bidding too low this is an opportunity for Drew to show his compassionate side and insist that they start the bidding a little higher, allowing the viewer to love Drew for a few seconds before he makes a crack about Tee’s weight and we’re back to square one again.

With all the goodies loaded into the back of the van, Tee and Drew drive back to Wales. Oh, by the way, Tee always drives because apparently Drew’s banned from driving after a drink driving conviction, which was slapped on him after a big night at his local, which he’s also banned from now, along with every pub in Conwy (I can’t whole heartedly vouch for this because I got this info from the internet but it adds so much to the story).

As they arrive back at Pritchard HQ, the team assemble to see the goodies that Drew has procured. Drew stands with the team as Tee hauls out each piece for them to review. This represents Drew’s moments of glory and you can see the narcissism glowing in his beady little eyes. Every once in a while, the shot shifts to Rebecca in the warehouse, who gives her pounds worth on each piece, which is always positive. Sometimes I wish she’d say something negative like: “they saw the little prick coming on this one!”

So, with everything hauled into Pritchard HQ the restoration team set to work while the narrator, Finchy from the UK Office, runs us through what’s going on. Then it’s over to the photographer to get snaps of the pieces to be placed on the website.

Somebody like Hannibal from the A Team would love Salvage Hunters because the plan always comes together, and Drew runs a tight ship. With his flat cap and trendy scarves, Drew strides through the world of antiques doing it his way. He definitely knows his stuff, which is one of the highlights of the show, but you can tell that Drew will die alone with a bottle of whisky on the nightstand and only Tee will attend his funeral just to make sure he’s dead.

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About callumrscott

I’m a writer, director, and fixer, who oscillates between being elated and very angry and sometimes both at the same time. Through my research as a writer, I’ve studied many forms of masculinity, in particular, hyper and protest masculinity. My other main field of research is transgression or the rituals of transgression and the performative nature of this behaviour. Apart from researching, writing, directing and fixing, I enjoy a good pint of stout and I live in a flat, close to my favourite place, the mall from Dawn of the Dead (2004). My greatest disappointment in life is that my first memory turned out to be a lie. I didn’t lose a red wellie on a beach in Orkney and now I have no first memory, just a lot of stories about alcohol and bad decisions.

20 responses to “calling mr pritchard: tales of a wee shite”

  1. Harry H says :

    I entered a negative search query, like Drew Pritchard is a dickhead and stumbled across your fantastic summation of this very punch-able face of his.

  2. Shaun McGreal says :

    For me Savage Hunters is a very brief respite in the ocean of excrement that is served up on on the idiot-box every night -but to find kindred spirits on this site who find Drew’s face a punch-magnet has lifted my weary world-view. Thank-you so much..
    Just for the record, I have bumped into Mr Pritchard at my local pub. He was actually about 5’1″ short -and very rotund. He has a self-important, little-man air and attitude about him. Looks short-tempered and something of an ass-hat. Despite appearances to the contrary, he only travels ‘en-Transit’ for the TV shots, the rest of the time he drives a far more opulent Range Rover. I see right through his honest, fair-guy persona and passive-aggressive bargaining technique -and I reckon he is robbing lots of his gear from gullible sellers.
    That said, I really enjoy watching the show and slagging him off!
    I’ve also bumped into Mike Brewer – and he really was the finest free-hand tool grinder you’d ever wish not to meet. His original sidekick Edd China, much like Tee though was a smashing fella and waaay smarter than the bellend to which he was shoved alongside.

  3. callumrscott says :

    Hey Shaun – Thanks so much for your brilliant appraisal of Drew Pritchard aka the wee shite. Big fan of the expression ‘ass-hat’, brilliant! And interesting you’ve also bumped into the diminutive turd at your local. Was he banned from all the pubs in Conwy? It’s funny how you can always tell that the people Drew and Tee visit, obviously prefer Tee. If you ever see Drew again and can you please ask him to read my blog? Anyway, thanks for reading. All the best – Callum

    • Ed says :

      Why have I had to wait 45 yrs to see the words ‘ass’ and ‘hat’ paired up? Nice move.

  4. Bunty McCunty says :

    Drew is definitely barred from all the ale-houses in Conwy (though anyone who has ever been in a Welsh pub will have to wonder why this is regarded as a punishment rather than a prize. The story, which was reported in the local press, was that Drew was playing away from home — with a married woman. Her husband spotted him in the pub, and Pritchard smirked at him. Fisticuffs ensued. Husband got fined, both were barred for life and Mrs Drew gave him the old heave-ho, resulting in an expensive divorce. (Apparently, he’s got significant form for the offence.)

    I enjoy the show, but Drew has always struck me as an utter cunt.

    • Bob Hay says :

      Hi Callum and Bunty and all others, I must remember to follow this Blog for its cutting edge criticism of the wee shite😂
      I live in Australia and quite often binge on ‘Escape to the country’ and ‘Antiques road show’ and only came across wee Drew and his team on Youtube and what a pleasure to watch. He is an expert and you learn a lot from watching him haggling and his expert restorers. They’re clever guys.
      But you’ve got to hand it to the maestro buying an old sheet of rusty steel with ‘Guard Dogs’ painted on it and flogging it to the Yanks for about 500 quid.
      Love it.
      Bob fae doon under.

  5. Jamie says :

    Many thanks for your appraisal and the subsequent insightful remarks about the odious little know-it-all prick Pritchard. Watching a recent episode he espoused what a huge fan of Punk Rock he was growing up. Given he was eight when the Sex Pistols disbanded this will confirm the wee-shite’s propensity for total bull-shit.
    Some sites claim him to be 5’9″ by the way. Glad he has been exposed as the lying cheating little twat I instantly recognised him to be. Sadly his shows remain oddly compelling. The product content is good and there’s some twisted pleasure in the mental torture of watching the cunt smarm his way to a deal.

  6. Susan says :

    I think drew Pritchard is a dick and a prat! And who would have an affair with him yuck!!!!

  7. Chris says :

    5ft 9″ ? Oh ok.
    I took a screenshot and scaled the size of those boots he wears. It works out that they’re size 17. So it’s true, he really IS a big dick.

  8. Jane says :

    Can’t stand the guy, so miserable and the personality of a Gnat, can never imagine this man having any fun, would rather talk to my fridge….

  9. Stephen Edlin says :

    What a great article, and so true.
    You can just tell be watching him in action that he would not be a nice drunk.I bet he’s made a few abusive phone calls in his day.

    • callumrscott says :

      Aye, I can imagine him getting blootered and sending dodgy texts. He’s a pompous little man!

      • bob hay says :

        Now we have to suffer him buying vintage and classic cars for resale. No I don’t have to watch him.At least when looking for things to put his ‘personal touch’ on we got interesting tours of inside castles and big country houses.Now Tee is out of it we won’t have to suffer him trailing behind the guru/expert/maestro like his personal attendant.

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