Archive | June 2021

Morning glory

I’m off work sick (not COVID), meaning I have the telly in my bedroom to drown out the coughing and the swearing. This morning, I woke up and turned the telly on to continue drowning out the misery, and what came on the screen? Sunrise morning show with Kochie and that grinning idiot Sam Armitage.

I know they’re easy targets and morning TV is not meant to be high-brow entertainment but I was blown away by the subnormal format. It was like watching two grown adults discovering that their genital region has a hidden function, yes, the joys of masturbation. That moment when you discover that you can run solo during a drought, or fill time with some jolly self-gratification.

Kochie: And now we have a segment on the dangers of Facebook. Oh my good god my willy does something other than peeing!!!

Sam: Yes, online bullying is every parent’s worst nightmare. Oh, my giddy aunt, sitting on this vibrating washing machine makes me feel all tingly downstairs!!!

It’s all exuberance and no substance, not even the consistency of diarrhea to whet the pallet. And what’s worse, it’s dated. This same shit was on morning shows when I was a kid but at least Paula Yates got into bed with her guests instead of grinning like a fuckwit, and spewing mediocrity into the face of her viewers.

Pass me the remote …